That would have never happened. The same thing would have happened to me, and I'd still have experienced the same things.
And you know, I wouldn't change a thing. I don't regret anything about my past. Everything I did or did not do has led me to the place that I am in right now.
If I had left my boyfriend at 21 instead of 25, I'd be somewhere different. The planets wouldn't have aligned and I wouldn't have reconnected with my husband. ( I say reconnect because we went to high school together, and have known each other since we were 14. ) I also wouldn't have realized what its like to be happy in a relationship. I mean, really happy. Happy Happy. Happy in a way I thought only existed in fairy tales. I thought I was happy before, and then when I dated my husband I became really aware as to what being treated right was. Do I think I am lucky? Yes. But I also believe that I am supposed to be treated this way. I never would have known what it is like to be treated like a Queen if I hadn't been poorly treated. Not exactly poor, per say, but just not every made a priority in the relationship. Then that leads to being unhappy. I know what its like to be unhappy and to have someone display the behaviors that lead two people to split up, so seeing and being with someone who displayed none of those characteristics was like winning the lottery. My husband puts my needs before his own. "You're crazy!" I'd think. I was always the one doing that in the relationship before. Giving, and making sure the other was taken care of. What a crazy, unbelievable feeling to have someone do that for me?! You want to make sure my needs are met before your own? But, but I do that. No one has done that for me before. Wow.
My husband still treats me this way. After three children and four years of marriage, we are excruciatingly happy.
But don't get me wrong, there are also the days that I don't like him. I love him. Sometimes I don't like him. Some days we don't get a long. Sometimes we argue. We are together all the time. We get to the point where we sometimes just need some space. It happens. But at the end of the day, I thank my lucky stars for all that I have.
I can tell you that because I give him the love and respect that he deserves, that he returns that to me. I don't have any advice for you other than that. We're a good couple. We're compatible. We have the same likes and dislikes. Our stances on family and religion and politics are synced. We like the same music. We both want the same things out of life, and we are just happy to be with one another. But we love each other, respect each other, and try to make sure that the other person's needs are met to the best of our ability.
Why all the talk of relationships and advice all of a sudden? Next week is the anniversary of our first date together. I was getting a little nostalgic about it.
2007:: I had just gotten out of a long-term relationship of 7 years ( as noted before ) and I was in no place to start dating again. I was going to be a cat lady and live in my parents' basement for the rest of my life. Seriously. I didn't want to be hurt again, and I certainly didn't think I would ever recover. Ever. So, the ever wonderful Facebook reconnected myself and Andy. He messaged me and asked me how I was doing, etc, etc... I responded and he asked me to go to a movie on that Friday. I accepted. I had always had a crush on him in High school. We passed notes in German class and I used to draw his shoes. He never asked me out, I never asked him. Bad timing, I guess? So, I was a little nervous what his intentions were when we went out. He says that they were to just hang out with an old friend. Mine too. ( I think he may have had a crush on me as well and wanted to see if I would say yes. Well, I did. Of COURSE I did! )
We talked. A LOT. We talked the whole night and after the movie was over and I drove him back to his apartment, he gave me a hug. I left that night with a sense of optimism that I hadn't felt in a long time. It was nice. We went out the next night and weren't a part from each other for months. We literally saw each other every day! Friendship, pretty quickly, sprung into love. The rest is history. We are friends. We have been friends a long time, and now we're husband and wife. I love him so much. I love him more now than I did before; for giving me the kind of relationship that I have always wanted. For my family. I love him more with each baby we bring into the world. It's crazy how much I love this man.
So I say to you naysayer who is pissed at love and relationships: Don't be discouraged. It can happen to you. And maybe when you least expect it.
I went through a lot to get here, and a lot of those things I wouldn't wish upon enemies; but I wouldn't change anything. Not a single thing. Every experience has made me the person I am today, and put me in the place that I am right now. And I am happy with the way things turned out.
So 21 year old me. If you're somehow reading this: keep on doing what you're doing. You'll go through what seems like hell and back, but in the end... it will all be happy in the end. I promise. I know. I can make that promise. You will live happily ever after. I mean it.
It's funny that if I could go back and not date the jerk I dated in college I would do it in a heartbeat. I do regret that relationship and I always wonder how in the world people don't regret bad relationships.
ReplyDeleteIf you and Andy were meant to be then I think it would have happened, with or without that 7 year relationship, but I appreciate your perspective. Even though you're wrong! ;)